First week of school

Ugh! Sometimes returning back to school can be dreaded or looked forward to. One would want to see their friends, reacquaint with fraternity members discussing about the o so wonderful summer memories, and going back to school to return to that familiar routine of studying, reading, and learning. However, some of us do not want to go back to school for the following reasons: seeing a friend after an awkward confession, retaking that class you failed, realizing that you need to change your major (again) and its a long way before you graduate, encountering a rival, dealing with fraternity/sorority drama, and/or realizing you do not have friends in college. ::sigh::

A few days ago, Mina and I discussed how we sometimes feel like outsiders in APO. There's so many cliques that we do not feel like we belong. Instead, we have our own individual friends within the fraternity. For me, its Mina, Asumi, Nika, and Ashley.Big Bro says to give it another chance. I feel like a pain in the ass lil since I don't really talk to my big bro. I should though since he's always there for me if I need him. He rocks. Hopefully, Mina and I will continue this fall with APO. If she doesn't, I guess I will continued without her and put a smile on my face the entire time. I do not want to let my Big down.

As for the guys in Monty Krew, I'm having trouble seeing Long and Mike again. Wednesday was the first time I've seen Long since my confession. When he walked into Montezuma Hall, my breath was stolen away. He looks amazing and then I realize that I shouldn't have said anything and continued with my life. I'm having regrets about telling Long how I felt, but I'm glad we can still be friends. Its harder for me to be friends with him, especially since he confirmed with me that he is now with Shannon. Julian was busting my balls when I told him what happened. He told me " you both fucked up." According to Julian, I fucked up by not continuing to talk to Long and Long fucked up by not talking to me. In addition, we never really talked about it...but in my mind, I don't think there is anything to talk about. Long will always be my friends, despite how I feel for him. I saw him again today, it was somewhat awkward.

THursday was the first time I saw Mike since our little ordeal. I think he has trouble with me or Monty Krew. I'm not sure which it is...he's never around. I think he's sick an tired of people judging him and he's not used to be people being touchy feely. I wish he would say hi so I know everything is fine. But knowing him, he's not gonna say anything to anyone unless he HAS to.

Returning back to sdsu gives me back those doubts I had about myself. During the summer I didn't have to worry about socializing and staying on top of my studies. Now, socializing is a huge part of my life and everyone invites me to parties or club events. I want to go to club events since that is where I let loose, but I can't...not for a while. maybe when this semester is done.

In other news, I had a dream about JP. It made me wonder how he was doing and what is going on in his life, but in reality, its best I do not know. If we cross paths, I will say hi...but now I want to focus on me. Additionally, Kenneth does not know how to take a hint. Several times I have told him that I do not like him. Guess what? He still hits on me and he tries to always be around. Its starting to get old. I told Paolo about Kenneth and he suggested we act like a couple in Monty Hall. Paolo and I posed as a couple today, cuddling on the couch together. Paolo is the best cuddle buddy ever.

This semester I need to get all As. Not too much partying or socializing during the week. If i want to party, it has to be on the weekend. I want to date, but I do not think I can take it. As long as I have good friends and have good friends to return to, i will always be happy. If i'm not happy here in sd, I can always go to irvine where I will be elated.